THE PRINCESS’S BED – A Tale of Woe!

Today, I’m going to let my friend Judy share one of her experiences. Judy and I met on line a couple of years ago and became fast friends through emails and postings on a couple of web sites that we are both on. We’ve never actually met or even talked on the phone at this point, but we think of each other as sisters! I love reading her emails and posts as she has a way of telling a story – sometimes it is even one about herself! A few weeks ago, she sent an email to a few of us called “The Princess And The Pea”. It was hilarious but at the same time I had a feeling that it was just one of those things that seems to happen to her. So I asked her and sure enough – this is a true story about her! She was also willing to let me share the story here! So here’s Judy:

THE PRINCESS’S BED – A Tale of Woe!

Remember the story of the Princess and the Pea? It tells the story of a girl and the problems she has with her bed. That story could have been about me last night.

My living room recliner has been my bed of choice for the past 10 years. Night before last it took its last breathe and "died" lowering me unceremoniously to the floor. Oh! what will I do now? Where will I sleep? I then remembered the lonely hospital bed sitting forlornly in my back room and having no other options I made plans to spend my nights in that bed.

I have had this bed for a few years, but was very unhappy with the hard mattress encased with a plastic cover that sounded like breaking glass with every little move. In an attempt to remedy that problem, I covered it with a full, quilted cover and 2 sets of sheets. That didn't do much good at all. I next added a bedspread and finally gave up and made my way back to my beloved recliner. On hearing my sad story, a generous friend gave me a thick foam covering with egg crate "bumps" that gave it a really good cushion.

So, last night - feeling very tired, but comfortable after a soothing shower - I said my prayers, turned out the lights and made my way to THE BED I attempted to sit on the edge and found it was too high......even standing on tiptoe I still could not sit on IT. Turning around I tried to crawl in and .....

OUCH! ow.....ow......ow.... I think I've broken my toe! ow!..........
Breathe, Judy, Breathe!

......on the next try I reached across the bed and attempted to pull myself into IT.........and jammed my thumb into the wall......aayeeee more pain!... (I will not cry)

Now I was getting angry! I went in search of my step stool and finally found it. By now it was nearly 2 in the morning.

Wahoo! it worked - I won - I'm in THE BED! Now, to raise the head (since lying flat cuts off the air supply to my finicky lungs) ....I grope for the hand control.....I can't find it. It must have slipped down the back to the floor! Oh to heck with it.

I tried to lie down but couldn't breathe so after a valiant fight I retrieved the control and raised the head of the bed. I sighed with relief and closed my eyes and...... felt myself slipping down the bed....so I raise the foot of the bed. OK that helped - that is, if contorting yourself into a V helps! Now I am totally exhausted. I closed my eyes to finally go to sleep ..... I began to get drowsy, then moved ..... and almost fall out of this cursed tomb! I'm fully awake .... again, and really angry now. It's 3 AM and I can't get comfortable - my thumb and toe are throbbing! Finally I drift off to sleep and what seems like 10 minutes later awaken to a bright light - oh no the sun is focused on my eyes. I crawl out of my Bed of Misery and write this tale of woe.

Tonight I'm sleeping on the floor!

The Next Night:

THE BED may have won last night’s match but tonight, I am determined to find a comfortable spot and dream the night away.

I look longingly at my beloved recliner across the room and wonder if I can salvage it and sleep again in peace. With sorrow I look at the broken arm which is dislocated from its back and scold myself...........I really should have stuck to that diet!

Hoping I can salvage the recliner I put a short footstool under the broken back that was listing dangerously to the right. I gathered a variety of pillows to fill in and level the seat and back and since I can no longer lay the recliner back, I pull a hassock up to the chair......

Good heavens I'm beginning to look like Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars!

Gingerly, I lower myself to the little space that is left for me, slowly raise my feet to the hassock and......FREEZE...as the chair moans and creaks............shhh..... it has quieted down.........but I'm afraid to move......I realize that I am feeling faint and remember that I had stopped breathing - softly I begin to breathe. So far so good.....it hasn't bucked me out yet. Ah, it has accepted this new challenge and slowly I fall to sleep.

Good night Recliner, Good Night World.........Good night, John Boy.

A few weeks later:

Not too much has happened in the last few weeks since the collapse. I'm still in the recliner, which is on borrowed time, as the gap between arm and back has widened and I've added another pillow. I just hope when it gives up completely that my own arm and back are still connected! What happens then? Who knows – I’m living one night at a time!

Epilogue:

Oh how said is the end of a love affair. I am forsaken and deserted by the side of the road. No longer will my arms enfold her, nor lie with her through the night and cradle her body. She is walking away but looks back with tear filled eyes as one little tear escapes.

Goodbye, my Princess.................sleep well tonight.

THE RECLINER.

~*~*~*~

Alas, not all tales have a happily ever after. This may be the end of The Princess’s Bed but fear not - for this is not “the end” of Princess Judy! Is she going to replace her beloved recliner? Well, she probably would, but the Princess has some big plans in the coming months! You see, a few months ago ... wait ... on second thought, I’ll let her tell that tale further down the road!

Sweet dreams Princess!

dn (... and Judy!)