More Thoughts to Ponder

A few weeks ago I posted some thoughts to ponder. Here are a few more musing from my inbox for your consideration and amusement!

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinningmedicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
30. Life is sexually transmitted.
31. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
32. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
33. Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but youstill can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
34. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
35. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
36. In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

dn