Monday, August 24, 2009

Humour For The Ladies And The Men Who Can Handle It!

So after the last couple of posts on women aging, I though it only appropriate to follow it up with some humour in the same vein!


A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.



You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P. S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband!




anotherlinda said...

My name is Linda S Amstutz and I am the author and copyright holder of the essay IF MY BODY WERE A CAR which you have posted on your blog without my permission. You can view my copyright at If you wish to continue using my essay, please add this under the title "c2003 Linda S Amstutz. You can read more by this author at" If you do not wish to post my copyright and link under the title, then please remove my essay from your blog. Thank you.
P.S. I also love Ruth Gordon!

dnsyl57 said...

Sorry Linda, I was unaware that this was a copyrighted piece. I quote sources/authors when I can, but this was one passed through emails without an author listed. No slight was intended. I would gladly add your name and link, however I can not afford to pay the copyright fees, so have removed your essay. - dn