Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Blind Humour

Loosing some or all of your sight isn't funny, but if you don't have a sense of humou about it you will loose what is left of your mind.

I've always had a slightly warped sense of humour, I just had to fine tune it a bit when I became legally blind. I've written before, about meeting several blind and legally blind people six months before loosing my sight. They really were what kept me sane in those first few months.

A group of us went to karaoke at a bar one night. There were four of us who were blind/blinks and our sighted driver. When we were seated the waitress came over and asked if there was a designated driver at the table. One of the women held up her cane and said "I AM!". The waitress just stared in disbelief that we could be that stupid. We were all laughing and told her to relax - it was a joke. She didn't get it. She didn't get tipped that night. If she had laughed with us she'd have gotten tipped.

Several years ago, I went into a dollar store and approached the cashier for assistance in finding a specific item. She barely lifted her arm and pointed in the general direction of where to find the item. I said; "Excuse me, could you point a little LOUDER please?" She didn't get it.

There is a well known story that the Winnipeg Transit Divers like to share. Many years ago, a driver found a white cane that had been left on his bus. He took it with him, intending to turn it in to lost and found. The next day, he was reporting for work and as a joke, put on dark glasses and used the cane as he walked up to the bus to switch drivers. He chatted with the driver, who was leaving, for a minute, then he got on folded the cane, and sat down behind the wheel. He made the necessary adjustments in the mirrors, seat level etc. then drove off. Some of the passengers thought it was hilarious, but not all. At least one person called to complain and the driver received a reprimand and the incident was put on his record.

In the mid 1990's cell phones were just starting to get really popular. A blind friend of mine was a very sociable gal. She could strike up conversations with strangers practically anywhere. One day, she was standing at a subway stop in Toronto and heard a male voice say "Hi, how you doing?" She said "Fine how about you?" and proceeded to try getting to know this new person. He finally said; "Excuse me, I can't hear you - there is some crazy chick trying to hit on me!" My friend said; "Well excuse me! - My seeing eye dog didn't tell me you weren't talking to me!" He was to annoyed with having his call interrupted to see the humour in the situation and walked away.

Come on people! Lighten up! Yes, there are times to be serious, BUT there is also time to see the humour in everyday life. I went looking for blind humour on the Internet. Some of it was bad, but here are a couple of my favourites.

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: It scares the dog!

Are the pilots flying blind?

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

A Blind Man In A Store

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Life is short. Learn to laugh at the little things. My late friend, KJ, loved to laugh and see the humour in being blind. She never let it stop her from living every day to the fullest. She would have turned 37 today. I love you KJ and I still miss you!

(July 9, 1971 - January 28, 2002)


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