Déjà vu: An impression of having seen or experienced something before:
Reincarnation: Rebirth of the soul in another body. http://dictionary.reference.com/
Am I crazy or have I already been here? Well, I am sure that some people would say I am crazy and a few years ago, I might have agreed! The truth is, that there are a few things that I just can't explain in any other logical way.
My parents farmyard has a creek running through it that twists and turns at several places. The farmhouse is surrounded on three sides by the creek. It's a pretty small creek, except during spring runoff when water from other tributaries overflow and the water rises. I also used to work at a summer camp on Lake Max in southern Manitoba in the mid 70's. I loved sitting on the dock and watching the water and enjoyed canoeing if the water was very calm. I live in Winnipeg near downtown and not far from the The Forks Market where the Red River and the Assiniboine Rivers meet. So I should be comfortable around water - right? Sort of. As long as the water is very calm, within its banks and I'm not in it, then I'm fine.
As kids, we were taught at a very young age to respect the water and not go near it when it was running fast or overflowing. We had a small fish pond (about the size of a kiddies wading pool) in the yard and I was the only one of the kids who never fell in. I wouldn't even go near it. My siblings learned to swim in the creek. I tried swimming lessons but was to terrified to put my head under, unless I knew I could stand up right away. My dad had a four seater motor boat but I wouldn't go unless the water was like glass and they promised not to go fast - and of course I had to have a life jacket on. I did go on a handful of local riverboat trips on "The River Rouge" and "The Paddle Wheel Queen" but I was always a bit nervous. For the most part, I could watch "The Love Boat", but then again they never really showed anything but calm waters.
During the late 70's I was at a winter retreat with about 40 fellow students and teachers from the school I was attending. The principal rented an old reel to reel movie that he thought was one of the best ever made and wanted us all to see it. It was "Ship of Fools" about the sinking of the Titanic. I couldn't watch it. I had to leave the area. When I was alone, I broke down and started to cry and shake. It took me a long time to compose myself. I don't think I ever told anyone why I left, other than that I wasn't feeling well. I have never been able to watch any movie or documentary that involves the April 14. 1912 sinking of "The Titanic" or any other boats that sank. I did go see "The Poseidon Adventure" in a movie theater, but kept my eyes closed through most of it. I had bad dreams and nightmares for weeks.
I've never been comfortable around any type of military uniforms. or small planes. I had a few Uncles who did military service in World War 2, but they never talked about it or wore their uniforms. I have a cousin who was in the Air Force for many years. I only saw him in uniform a couple of times but I was very uncomfortable. The worst was his wedding. There were uniforms everywhere. About 15 years or so ago, I was in line at a Dairy Queen with my sister. A couple of guys in uniform came in from the nearby base and were standing right behind me. I could hardly breath and I had to fight off a panic attack. I've never been able to participate in Remembrance Day services on November 11. I can't even wear a poppy in honour of the lost souls. It is too emotionally painful.
I've manged to watch a few WW2 movies such as "Casablanca" and "Mrs. Miniver". But they were in black and white and I covered my ears when the planes would fly over. I managed to watch M*A*S*H but most of them I saw on an old black and white TV. Even so, I had to play tricks with my mind and tell myself it wasn't real - even if it was based on real events.
In April 1997, Winnipeg experienced the flood of the century. The city was in danger of flooding and the military and air force had a huge presence in the city. They helped man the sandbagging and dyke patrols. There were uniformed men and women everywhere. The planes were flying low over the city waterways almost constantly. The raging flood waters and drone of the plane engines were terrifying. I wanted to hide under the covers and away form the windows every time I heard a plane. I felt like a prisoner in my apartment. I was afraid of the water, the planes and the uniforms. There is no real logical or reasonable explanation for any of these reactions.
I love the music of the 30's and 40's. I heard a bit as a kid but not a lot. The music is very relaxing and strangely familiar. Even when the announcer says something like "Here is a very rare recording" it's vaguely familiar. It's like my soul has been transported through time. I never heard old radio dramas/comedies until I was in my 20's but there are times I'd swear I've heard them before.
So was I on "The Titanic"? Was I living in war torn Europe during WW2? Did I seek cover in a bomb shelter during air raids? Was I a prisoner of war or on a fighter plane? Was I in a USO show?
I have no idea. I don't know who I was or what I did. I may never know. I try not to dwell on the negativity of these senses and experiences. I have embraced the music of the war years and take solace in the comfort and peace it brings me. I try to focus on the good things in this lifetime and cherish the good memories and the caring friends around me.
So, am I crazy? No, I don't think so. Have I been on this Earth before? YES, I believe I have - and probably will be again someday.
Okay, technically, this song isn't about reincarnation, but I do believe "We'll Meet Again". You can listen to this Vera Lynn song here;
and you can read the lyrics in the attached comments section.