Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sometimes Morals Suck!

I've been writing this blog for almost a year now and I've talked about a lot of personal beliefs and opinions. I've shared my feelings on a number of very personal things, like religion, inner peace, my weight, vision loss and looks.

I've written about my beliefs in "Love at First Sight", "Soul Mates" and "Telepathy". I wrote a post about "Female/Male Relationships". I even wrote posts in November called "An Open Letter - Dear Mr. Right" ( part 1 and part 2 ).

I really do believe in the personal things that I write about, but there is also a flip side to what I've written about love and relationships that I haven't talked about.

As much as I cherish my independence and privacy, there are times that it really sucks being single and alone. There are days and many nights that I wish there was someone to share a thought, an embrace, and the more intimate pleasures of being alive.

I know that I am not alone in this. There are millions of single women and men who are in the same boat. There are even many married people who lack that connection and intimacy.

We are all human and whether we want to admit it or not, we long for that human touch and the pleasures of intimacy. What separates us, is where we sit on the moral compass of relationships. Some are in relationships emotionally and physically. Some are there on an emotional level, but not so much physically. Some are in it more for the physical benefits and try to avoid the emotional side.

I've never been in the "physical benefits only" division, but there have been times that I've been very tempted. You feel a strong attraction to someone and you can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with that person. You feel an emotional or a physical chemistry, but you have to stop because if you don't you'd be crossing a line that you swore you wouldn't cross. The urge is very strong but you feel compelled to fight it. If you crossed that line strictly for physical benefits, you will only end up being hurt or hurting someone else - especially if either of you are not "free" to pursue. No matter how hard we try, the physical will become emotional for at least one person at some point.

Sometimes you can avoid the person, but that isn't always a viable option. An affair may seem like an option, but if they cheat with you, the odds are they will cheat on you. If you risk telling the other person how you feel, it could get very awkward if the feeling isn't mutual or one of you isn't free. For many, the only acceptable answer is to just enjoy that few minutes of chemistry when that person is around. If it is meant to be, then someday, somehow you will be together.

Remember the old 1978-1984 TV series "Fantasy Island"? You know, the one with Ricardo Montalban (who just passed away this past week at age 88) as the host Mr. Roarke and Hervé Villechaize as his assistant, Tattoo? Every week, people would arrive on the island to fulfill a fantasy. Some were wild adventures, some were touching, some were fun and some were... well let's just say of a more intimate nature. They pretty much wanted a free pass to explore the fantasies of the "What if...." variety. They wanted to experience guilt free pleasure and intimacy with a lost love, a friend, an acquaintance, or a fantasy lover. There was usually a consequence of some sort to the weekend, but that part wasn't always fully explored. There were moral lessons, but it was more focused on the pleasure and escapism of the story. It was fitting for the free wheeling sexual revolution of the time, but there were and are consequences.

In 1998, there was a brief remake of the series, with Malcolm McDowell (Mr. Roarke) and Fyvush Finkel and Sylvia Sidney as elderly travel agents who arranged the trips, but it only lasted 13 weeks as it was seen as a little too dark. It tended to show the consequences of our fantasies in more detail than many of us would want to know. Personally, I loved the dark humour that was often displayed with this remake.

So here I am - 51, single and no one to share with. There is nothing wrong in being single and nothing wrong in enjoying a few fantasies of the "What if..." variety. Despite, what some might say, there is also nothing wrong with learning to pleasure one's self - in fact many of us would be even crazier if we didn't experience the occasional release. It's just that sometimes we really need that physical connection with another human being and a hug from a friend just ain't gonna cut it! Neither is sleeping with a body pillow. All the chocolate in the world can't replace that physical presence of another human being. As much as I'd like to be with my soul mate, I also just want some love and companionship. Is that really too much to ask? I know, I know, be careful what I wish for, but I want my "Fantasy Island" - consequences and all!

Yup, sometimes morals really suck.


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